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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Harry’s Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

Zombies…..They’re coming! Everyone knows the apocalypse is on its way. ZombiesThe real question to ask yourself is “Are you prepared?”

We all know how to kill them, destroy the brain obviously, but do you have the tools or know how to really survive if they took over the world? The Harry’s team is extremely well versed on zombies and survival gear, so we’ve provided some tips and tricks to help you survive.

SOG Axe

SOG Voodoo Hawk

The most important item that you need to have is a weapon. I am sure you’re thinking “Well I have a gun,” and yes that IS the obvious choice, but when you really think about it, is it the smartest choice? Not really. Guns are loud, which draws more zombies to you, and you WILL run out of ammo. A smarter choice would be a machete or an axe. No sound and they can be continuously used, though you may want to give a wash every now and then to avoid undesirable odors. Remember…AIM FOR THE HEAD!

Another thing you may want to consider would be the group of people you are with…if you are with a group. There are pros and cons to being in a group, small or big, and to being a lone wolf. I’m not going to say which would be better, that’s really a personal preference. If you do choose to go with a group, there are some “types” you may want to avoid. These people can often be annoying and extremely detrimental to the welfare of the group…here are some examples.

1. You may encounter someone in your group who claims to be a zombie expert. This person may or may not claim that for the following reasons…”They played zombie mode on Call of Duty so they FOR SURE know how to kill things” or  “They totally own every zombie movie ever made so they obviously know how to kill things.” This said person may be a Walking Dead fan and claim to be as awesome as main characters Rick or Daryl. In reality this person is NOT as awesome and would most likely freeze up if they actually had to kill something. If you are willing to put up with the constant know it all attitude that this person may have then by all means stay with this group.

2. The Loud Mouth. This is obvious. A loud mouth can potentially draw more zombies to your location. If they can’t keep their volume under control, then some other arraignments may need to be made for this person.

3. The Constant Whiner. The apocalypse will suck…for everyone. But inevitably there will be that one person looking for more sympathy then anyone else. This will get very old to hear. I would avoid this type at all cost.

Having a good supply of survival gear is key, but make sure you keep an eye on it…people tend to lose all restraint in a time of need so it could get stolen. In this array of goods should be a durable backpack to carry your stuff ( and to keep your hands free), a fire starter ( don’t make the fire too big though), water purifying tablets for clean drinking water, a good knife, a first aid kit, and multi-tool. Of course there will be room for more stuff maybe an emergency blanket or a poncho, really the choice  is yours. Just remember YOU will be carrying it, not anyone else so don’t make it too heavy.

Another good idea to increase your survival rate would be to get out of the city or suburbs and head to the country. Cities and suburbs are more densely populated and the chances of getting bit higher. The country has plenty of benefits including less people, more food sources, and open area. If you aren’t a country person, you better suck it up and get ready to live outdoors for a bit. It will be safer then being in heavily populated metropolis with zombies around every corner.

My last piece of advice to you would be “If all else fails, RUN!” If you’ve lost your weapon or a zombie horde is approaching and you feel like you are out of options, just run. Humans are faster that zombies (traditionally) so getting away should be feasible if you are in OK shape.

If you are looking for my zombie apocalypse gear or tips or even just some basic survival knowledge, stop in and talk to our sales staff. They will be sure to give you the best info and show you the most reliable survival gear, backpacks, and footwear so that you can be prepared! One day zombies may take over the world…..so please remember AIM FOR THE HEAD!

 

Best Gear for the Skynet/Siri iPhone Apocalypse

By now, many of you have heard about Siri, the “automated” voice assistant that is integrated with Apple’s new iPhone operating system. Well, if you’ve ever seen Terminator, you already know that this seemingly innocuous Siri is nothing short of Skynet. Think about it, she’s there living inside your iPhone, watching, learning and biding her time before she brings about the Apple android apocalypse.

With the prevalence of iPhones and iPads, the Apple’s Siri will ensure that our lives will never be the same. Basically, the singularity is here, human governments will soon fall and all we can really do is protect our own assets.

If you’re gonna fight, you’ve got to have the right gear…right? We at Harry’s Army Surplus have prepared a list of the best survival gear to protect you when judgement day comes. We hope you enjoy it and we’ll see you on the other side. God save the queen!

Best Gear for the Siri’s iPhone Apocalypse:

1. Army Type Sawback Machete:

Saw Back Machete The blade on this machete is well balanced. You can hack through the underbrush in order to sneak up on the enemy and with a wide enough swing, you could probably lop off the heads of Skynet’s (aka Siri) minions.  The saw back on this machete might be useful for hacking through a twist of wires in case you have to disable any nuclear warheads.

2. Leatherman MUT Military Utility Tool

Leatherman MUT Tool

This isn’t just a Multitool, it’s a soldier’s tool box. The Leatherman MUT has specific tools designed to maintain AR-15′s and SKS’s, including a bolt overide tool to grab the leading edge of a bolt carrier and allow the shooter to easily pull back the bolt in order to clear a jammed casing, allowing the user to quickly un-jam a weapon and get back to killing that army of cyborgs.

3. Basic Issue Combat Shirt

combat shirt

Rather than wearing some stuffy old military BDU or ACU, you’ll want one of these new fangled combat shirts. It’s lightweight, moisture wicking, breathable and fits under a tactical vest. If the Machines blast you with a flame thrower, you’ll be happy to be wearing a combat shirt with a 230 degree melting point. On top of that, chicks dig em.

4. Inforce Four Force Tactical Light

Inforce Tactical Light

The future is murky and you’ll need a great light to lead the way as you crawl through dark tunnels and through the backcountry in your pursuit of safe harbor from your Apple adversary. With a woppin’ 300 lumens and strobe functionality to disorient the enemy, this flashlight just might save your life when Siri comes for you.

5. Cross Draw Tactical Vest

Tactical Vest

You’ve gotta have your gear at hand when Siri comes. This tactical vest holds your gun, ammo and all the rest of your essentials.

6. Solar & Wind-up Radio

Wind-up Radio

Of course you need a radio in a survival situation. When the power grid’s taken down and you’re hold up in your dank bunker just south of hell, you’ll welcome the sweet sounds of another human voice being broadcast to all those resistance fighters just like yourself.  Just give this crank radio a whirl or leave it sitting in the sun and POOF, instant sanity.

There are definitely more items you’ll need to survive the iPhone apocalypse and we’ll be right here helping you find the right gear. For now, we hope that this’ll get you started on your bug out bag.

For all of you who’ve had a good laugh at this article, please take note: Siri, Apple’s evil artificial intelligence, is no laughing matter. Don’t be surprised when you look down and notice that your iPhone is shooting a laser beam straight through your leg and Siri’s evil voice is telling you to submit yourself for registration at her internment camp in Cupertino California where you’ll be processed and put to work.

 

Long live the resistance! Down with the iPhone!

Harrys Army Surplus